Tuesday, March 26, 2013


I get asked all the time "Why do you love Beyoncé so much?"
"Why her? What do you like most about her?"
And I usually respond with an answer along the lines of, She is everything.

Now I can understand that it must be hard for some people to grasp my love for her.
How you can you care so much for someone that you've never met? Right.
I get that.
She doesn't even know who you are! Yeah, I know.
How do people get so obsessed with celebrities?
I'm not sure, but I CAN tell you that to me, she isn't just a celebrity.

She is like a friend to me.
A person I look to for inspiration.
Someone who is there for me when I need them.
And a flawless example of the type of person I would like to become.
And I'm sure that this is hard to understand because unlike most friends, I've never got to hang out with her.
I've never spoken to her and she has no clue I exist.
But, it's ok.  Because Beyoncé has done more for me than damn near all of the people I have met in my life.
But enough with the serious talk, I wanted to write this post to show people how much me and Beyoncé are actually alike.  They are kind of silly things, but maybe it will help you to understand how connected to her I feel.  I swear that everything that has ever came out of her mouth, I have thought some version of it in my head.  She is able to say the things that I cannot put into words.  We are soul sisters and I don't care what anyone says.

Me and Beyoncé are Similar Because:
1.Both of our mother's were Cosmetologists and owned hair salons. We both hung out in the salons as kids.
2.We both only have one sibling, a sister.
3.Both of our sisters only had one child, so we both only have 1 nephew.
4. Both of our parents divorced after we were adults.
5.We both support same-sex marriage and women's empowerment.
6.We both call our friendship a "Sisterhood"
7.We both love Popeye's Chicken, Jalapenos, Chicken & Waffles, and Pizza.
8.Neither of us have had braces or wear contacts or glasses.
9.We both have a vision board to inspire us.
10. Beyoncé has said if she wasn't a singer she would have become a therapist. I have been going to school to become a therapist, but if I wasn't I would become a Beyoncé.
11.My middle name is Teal, like the color. She named her daughter Blue, like the color.  Blue is also my favorite color.
12. We both feel most beautiful after a shower

I could name 100 little things and these may sound like stupid little things to you. But when you think about it, it's the stupid little things that make you feel connected to your friends. 
I know if I were to meet Beyoncé and sit down with her and have a conversation, we would become friends.
Now, the chances of that happening are slim to none. 
But that's ok. Because I don't need her physical friendship.
She has done more for me than I can ever explain.
I wish that everyone could have someone in their life that does for them what she has for me.
I love you Bey!

Friday, March 22, 2013

I Tried My Best

I know people don't like talking about religion and spirituality.
Most of the time I don't enjoy talking about it either.
But I feel like people are confused about what I believe and how I feel about things.
Granted, sometimes I am confused myself about what I believe, but I want to try to sort things out.

I consider myself to be agnostic. This is different from atheism.  
Atheists do not believe in a higher power.
Agnostics don't believe in a higher power, but they don't NOT believe in a higher power either.
They accept the possibility of either outcome, because there really is no way of knowing until the end.

So then I get the question in my mind: Then where do you think we came from?
And I really can't answer that. In my opinion, no living person can.
So most of the time, I try not to think about that part. Hahaha a cop out, I know.

I can tell you, that I don't like the idea of organized religion. 
I think it's strange to have one religion for millions of people.
Everybody is so different, and I feel like the religions can't really be tailored to every specific person's ideas.
I think that this leads to people following the religion blindly instead of really reading into it and seeing if these ideas mesh with their own.
In fact, I think that it discourages people from creating their own ideas.  I mean, why would you when you could just follow the ideas that are already written out for you?
I mean, if 2 billion other people are Muslim, it must be the right thing to do right?
People tend to go with what they know, and that's human nature.
My parents cussed, so now I cuss too.
If you took a baby from Iran and raised him in Utah, he would most likely become Mormon.
But if you left him in Iran, he would most likely become Islam.
There is nothing wrong with this, these are the dominant religions of the areas.
I just think it's funny that because they were raised in a certain area, they will most likely become a certain religion and believe that their religion is the true religion.
I think that being raised in a religion from a young age prevents people from exploring other religions and seeing which one is right for them.
That is part of the reason why I never picked one.

My parents never baptized me or blessed me under any religion and I am very grateful that they did this.
They wanted to wait until I was able to choose for myself.
Now, I still read the children's bible.
I watched the 10 commandments.
I went to church with friends.
And I was able to ask my parents as many questions as I wanted because they had religious backgrounds.
And sometimes growing up this way was hard for me, but
the reason why I never picked one, was because I didn't think it was fair.
Why would I pick one if I hadn't really looked into every single one?
If you were told to pick 1 flavor of ice cream that you had to eat every day for the rest of your life, but you could try as many as you wanted first, wouldn't you try them all to make sure you would pick the right one?
This was sort of my thought.
Now, I haven't read into every religion. Nowhere near that.
And I probably never will.
Because I don't want to choose one.
I don't feel like I need to choose a religion to fulfill my spiritual needs.
And the agnostic side of me says: If you were to pick one, there is no way to prove it's real.
I can't follow something whole-heartedly that may end up not being real in the end.
Another reason why I don't want to follow an organized religion is because of the role women play.
In my opinion, women should be allowed to be popes, bishops, priests, and pastors.
Why wouldn't God want women to have the authority to teach the spiritual teachings to others?
I don't agree with this.

Now, please don't get me wrong.
I think religion is a wonderful, beautiful thing.
The comfort that it gives to people is amazing.
Children raised in religion are taught values and it gives them something to bond about with their families.
Religious families have always seemed so strong to me and I love that.
The community that comes from religion is incredible, having people that are there for you is something that everyone needs.
Religious people are happier and even live longer than those who aren't religious!
But, it just isn't for me.

Now, just because I am not religious doesn't mean that I am not spiritual.
I find spirituality in almost everything.
To me, spirituality is feeling.
When something makes you really, genuinely feel something, it's spiritual.
Music, art, poems, books, friendship, conversation, love, hatred, meditation.
I find spirituality in all of these things.
I also believe that our Earth can provide spirituality.
Floating in the ocean, laying in the grass, sitting under a tree, smelling the air after rain.
These all make me feel like I am a part of something so much bigger than myself.
That feeling is indescribable.
It is beautiful.
It's like the Earth is alive and I can feel it.
I am also a strong believer in Karma.
What goes around, comes around.
Treating everyone with respect and love, including animals, is extremely important.
Now, I am not saying that I always treat others with respect. I don't. But the main point is: I'm trying. I'm trying to be better person.
Doing good for others and being the best person that I can be, brings me peace.
It makes me feel worthy at the end of the day.
Worthy to be granted another day to live on this beautiful Earth.
For, if you aren't helping others than why are you here?
But the thing that makes me feel the most spiritual is saying thanks.
Now I compare this to most people saying prayers.
I say those too, but this is different.
I started this recently.
Every night before I go to sleep I say thanks. 
Now, I don't know who I'm saying thanks to.
I usually address it: Dear Lord, Mother Earth, Universe, or whoever deserves this,
Thank you.
And then I go into specifics of what I am thankful for.
This has made me feel so blessed.
It has humbled me.
Instead of praying and asking for something like I used to do, I don't ask for anything.
Unless I, or someone else I know,  REALLY needs it.
I just think of the things I have and appreciate them.
It seems so simple, but it has made me much more positive.
Now, people who are religious can find spirituality in all of these things as well, but I just wanted to tell people how I fulfill my spiritual needs. 
This works for me.
I'm not afraid of dying.
I'm not worried for judgement day, if there is one.
Because if there is someone that we must face at the end of the road, they will know that I tried my best.
And really, that's all we can do in this life.

Much Love,

This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.
-Dalai Lama

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Moon Beginnings

There comes a time in everyone's life where you realize that you're different.
When you realize that you've grown and you aren't the same person anymore.
I think it could be the most beautiful thing we experience.

I moved to Orem almost a year and a half ago. 
I feel like such a different person than I was before I moved.
I've learned so much.
I feel more intelligent in my speech and in my actions.
I don't put up with people that I don't need to.
I can voice my opinions with more courage and confidence.
I've learned it's ok to show your emotions, they make you human.
They make you GENUINE.
The people that are uncomfortable with your tears have a fear in shedding their own.
I'm more comfortable in my skin.
I don't need to impress people with my outer appearance.
If they like me bare-faced in my sweats, then they'll LOVE me in my diva state.
I learned that I can make hard decisions.
I have fewer insecurities.
I feel like a woman.
I understand why I was chosen to be a woman.

I used to be scared of getting older.
Now I feel like I look forward to growing older, because it also means growing as a woman.
There is so much to uncover about ourselves that we have no idea about.
We have no clue what we are capable of and some of the qualities that we possess.

I am moving to California in a few weeks and it will definitely be an adventure.
I am sad to leave all of my friends here in Utah and to start again.
But in reality, it's not starting again, it's adding onto the foundation you've already built.
Change gives us opportunity for improvement.
And I cannot wait to start improving myself.

Saturday, November 3, 2012


I like to think of people as trees.
People can be all  kinds of trees.
Pine trees are strong and stay beautiful through the most difficult seasons.
Banyan trees need help from their limbs to support them and to keep from breaking. With this help they can live for 200 years or more.
Chinese Tallow trees are so beautiful in every season except winter, when the going gets tough they're brittle and breakable.

But my favorite tree of all is the Willow Tree.
Willow Trees are beautiful.
They are so full of wisdom and they aren't seen as much as they should be.
People don't plant them in their neighborhoods very often, do you know why?
Because their root system grows so rapidly and with so much force that they can break pipes and water systems, and tear them to shreds.
Not only are they strong above the ground, they are much stronger underneath.
Willow trees even use their long branches to grow more roots from the top. 
If one of their branches were to break off, you could grow a whole new tree from it.
You have to search around for a Willow Tree, and when you find it, it's captivating.

I have a friend who is a Willow Tree. 
Her name is Laura. 
People are so drawn to Laura because you can't see her root system.
On the outside she is the most beautiful, caring, kind, and strong person.
You would give anything to know how she got that way, to see her roots.
But that's why she's magical. She won't show you.
She makes you work for it.
Each day that you are around Laura, you learn something.
How to be a better friend.
How to be more kind to others.
She has so much wisdom and so many seeds to plant in others.
People hang on her branches and won't let go because they are dying for one to break off so they can grow into a willow tree.
It doesn't work that way.
Breaking a willow tree won't make you one.
I've watched Laura help so many people.
Giving them the seeds they need to become like her.
Some people throw them away, and they'll regret that later.
But the ones that respect her, they'll water them.
They'll take what she has given them and bring it to the light.
They'll nurture them and when the time comes they'll become a willow tree.
And they'll be the one who passes on the seeds.

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Fish In the Sea

People say, "There's so many fish in the sea"
That shit is true, but what people don't realize is there are also sharks, whales, sting rays, baracudas, ugly fish, little fish, fish with teeth, fish with lamps on their heads, mean ass fish, and seaweed.
So that is why it freaks me out that people fall in love.
Like what are the chances that you (maybe you are one of those ugly fish), and you find another ugly fish and then you guys think each other are the prettiest fish?
It blows my mind.
Everyone will find someone.
Someone like them.
Someone that is weird like them, laughs at things they laugh at, and likes hot sauce in their ramen.
How in the hell did I find, in ST. GEORGE of all places, the guy that matches my type exactly.
Fine as all hell, thinks talking animals are funny, cusses as much as I do, loves watching the movies they play on BET, doesn't care about religion, drinks kool aid by the gallon, and swag like a motherfucker (pardon my language, didn't know how else to put that)

To my Fish:

luh you boo